tomorrow marks the last day of my relatives' visit to singapore. This is more of a trip for my grandmother, to let her have some fun before she's too old to get on a plane.

my cousin is now in the room, sobbing about how she's afraid that times with our grandmother would not last. I am sitting calmly here, detached from the whole situation.

Being away from everyone besides my immediate family since I was two, I realised I feel little attachment to my relatives. I do not know how to care for the elderly or people beyond my immediate circle, I'm not used to family gatherings nor do I see the point in interacting with large groups of people that are not part of my life.

their visit might seem to paint a pretty picture of reunion, but honestly, this made me realise how I am incapable of extending concern to those I'm supposed to be closely related to. Having interacted with my aunt and cousin more, sending them off seemed to be a more instinctive thought.

Care is not about obligations.

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I feel like I'm given so little freedom and trust at home. There's so much about the world I wanted to explore. On the small little roadtrip, it took me so long to convince them that exploring a new area would be fine since we had a map. As reluctant and paranoid and fearful as they were, and as much as we had arguments on how there is absolutely no need for such fear, they seemed to have enjoyed the adventure (of missed turns etc). I feel that I had a little bit of control of my life for once; that if I tried hard enough to convince others of what I believed in, I could get a chance to win their trust and even let them understand where I am coming from.

I want to be able to make my own decisions. As restrictive as my parents may be, there must be a way where I can convince them of the joy of exploration and mistakes. The past years have taught me to embrace mistakes - and it is about time they did too. Perhaps it is our time to help our parents grow too.